Friday, 1 June 2007

All Your Gum Arabic Are Belong To Us

In what was one of the most bizzare press conferences ever, John Ukec Lueth Ukec ("Khartoum Karl"), the Sudanese ambassador to the US, responded to the recent sanctions placed against Sudan because of the, you know, mass genocide and stuff.

There are too many strange things to point out all of them in his hour-long vomit-fest of craziness, but perhaps the most amusing was that he threatened to take away the world's supply of Coca-Cola if people kept accusing Sudan of genocide.

From the Washington Post:

Genocide in the Darfur region? "The United States is the only country saying that what is happening in Darfur is a genocide," Ukec shouted, gesticulating wildly and perspiring from his bald crown. "I think this is a pretext."

Ah. So what about the more than 400,000 dead? "See how many people are dying in Darfur: None," he said.

And the 2 million displaced? "I am not a statistician."

Khartoum Karl went on to say that, all evidence to the contrary, his government does not support the murderous Janjaweed militia. "It cannot happen," he said, "so rule it out." As for the Sudanese regime itself: "We are the agents of peace, people like me, my colleagues who are in the central government of Sudan."

What's more, the good and peaceful leaders of Sudan were prepared to retaliate massively: They would cut off shipments of the emulsifier gum arabic, thereby depriving the world of cola.

"I want you to know that the gum arabic which runs all the soft drinks all over the world, including the United States, mainly 80 percent is imported from my country," the ambassador said after raising a bottle of Coca-Cola.

A reporter asked if Sudan was threatening to "stop the export of gum arabic and bring down the Western world."

"I can stop that gum arabic and all of us will have lost this," Khartoum Karl warned anew, beckoning to the Coke bottle. "But I don't want to go that way."

These are some highlights from the hour-long performance:

No comments: