Weekend Comedy: Mocking Homeland Security Edition

Most people realize that the Department of Homeland Security is little more than a politically expedient joke - but let's not let it go to waste - we can turn it into a series of literal jokes instead of just figurative jokes! As safenow.org notes, the Department of Homeland Security warning signs are so vague, they could mean anything - that means it's caption time! Here are a few of my favourites: (remember these are real DHS signs - somebody thought these were helpful illustrations for what to do in an emergency.)

After exposure to radiation it is important to consider that you may have mutated to gigantic dimensions: watch your head.

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If a door is closed, karate chop it open.

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People, animal corpses and the biohazard symbol are all at risk of being sucked into the time-tunnel vortex.

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If you spot a terrorist arrow, pin it against the wall with your shoulder.

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Try to absorb as much of the radiation as possible with your groin region. The current world record is 5 minutes, 12 seconds.

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Visit safenow.org to see the whole set.